


Gas Station Sushi

by satan_gutz



Series: I am the funniest man alive [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Assassination, Assassins & Hitmen, Crack, Crack Fic, Gen, Joke Fic, Murder, Sushi, gas station sushi, i think I’m funny, not everyone agrees with that 🙄
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26996233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satan_gutz/pseuds/satan_gutz
Summary: Kite kills someone for gas station sushi (and a shit ton of money)
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: I am the funniest man alive [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2104269
Kudos: 5





	Gas Station Sushi

“UH-HEM, yes I would like sushi” I shouted at the cashier, maybe a little more rude than I should’ve been but what’s new? I’ve been following my target for a few hours now waiting for a good opening and he finally pulled into a gas station along an off ramp. No towns around, it was in the middle of nowhere, “perfect” I had thought to myself. I decided now was a good time to get lunch too, I haven’t eaten all day and gas station sushi just hits the spot.

“Uh,” I look up to see my target speaking, this should be fun. “actually I was gonna get that, there’s um, only one left and-” I pull out my huge gun which makes him shut up.

“Well that sucks for you, doesn’t it? 😒”

“But I was here fir-” I cock my gun and point it at him. I hear a bell ring and see the only other person in the store, the cashier, has up and left. Good choice.

“Listen man, I suggest you just give it up, unless you’re really stupid enough to fight with the man pointing a gun at your head 🙄”

“But-” bad choice. I shoot him right between the eyes and leave, taking my sushi without paying, I’m usually not a thief but paying for the sushi doesn’t matter at this point.

I walk out taking a bite of my sushi. I see a shorter woman leaning against my car with a hoodie and sunglasses and a cigar that isn’t lit. I think to myself “does this bitch really just have a cigar to look cool?”, I look her over more and notice.. oh my god she has a bag of cocaine strapped to her leg. A shadow is ominously hiding most of her face but I recognize it’s my client, Kyra. I walk closer.

“Yo” she look up smirking.

“Did you get him? 😏”, Without answering I pull my phone out of my pocket and presses a button, the gas station blows up, 

“Yup” I state, still eating my sushi. She looks from me, to the rubble that once was a gas station, then back at me. 

“Nice,” she takes a wad of cash out of her hoodie pocket and hands it to me with a wink. Then a blonde man with big red wings that I somehow didn’t notice before flies down, picks Kyra up and flies away. Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.

I finish my sushi and start to drive back home. Another successful mission, I think this calls for celebration. I call my friend Tobi up.

“Sup,” he answers.

“Just finished my mission, wanna have hot gay sex when I get back?”

“Hell yeah,”

“Swag”

_ The End~ _


End file.
